Rankings and dollar signs are typically what one can use to compare a country’s contributions to foreign aid against the next. However, what is not present in those comparisons and dollar signs is the context and structure behind the contributions of these countries. The Development Assistance Committee (DAC) ranked Finland number 19 out of 30 countries because it provides only $1.08 billion in aid. This ranking is consistent across the board showing Finland as one of the lowest contributors of foreign aid, however, Finland’s foreign aid contributions include quality standards that every country should mimic to get the most out of their contributions. Finland’s Goal Regarding Foreign Aid Finland’s long-term overarching goal is not simply to help countries in need but also to free those countries from their dependency on aid and provide each country it contributes to with the ability to flourish. This goal puts Finland in a position to use the idea of quality over quantity when it decides its foreign aid budget and what country will benefit the most from Finland’s foreign aid contributions. Finland’s foreign aid policies follow a strict set of criteria that helps to guide and direct small but potent decisions. The Ministry of the Foreign Affairs of Finland has spelled out the four driving components to criteria for foreign aid contributions within Finland’s Development policy. 4 Driving Forces Behind Finland’s Foreign Aid Strengthening the Status and Rights of Women and Girls: Finland intends to improve the rights of women and girls across the globe and promote gender equality. In fact, Finland is one of the largest contributors to UN Women, after giving the organization 10 million euros in 2016. Strengthening the Economic Base in Developing Countries and Creating Jobs: Without a strong economy, a country may have limited jobs, so it is crucial for Finland to actively participate in the rebuilding or strengthening of that economy. Finland seeks out partnerships and opportunities to promote the creation of jobs and strengthen the countries’ trade environments. In a three-year span of time, between 2016 and 2019, Finland contributed over $500 million in investments and loans to support sustainable development. Finland’s investment in Somalia went solely toward economic infrastructure and electricity distribution as well as the private sector. This contribution should provide valuable stepping stones to help Somalia rebuild and sustain the resources available to it. Education, Well-Functioning Societies and Democracy: Finland stands by its rule of law to provide a safe and peaceful environment, sustainable resources and public services to its population. Moreover, it extends those values to other countries. In fact, 57% of Finland’s foreign aid goes to fragile states in order to promote stability and security. Environmental Challenges and Natural Resources: Finland also aims to offer reliable access to safe and clean water and better water and land resources. It also intends to promote better farming conditions, forest management and decreased risk of hygiene-related diseases. It has implemented sanitation projects in Nepal, Vietnam, Ethiopia, Kenya and more. Examples of Finland’s Foreign Aid Projects Finland’s foreign aid contributions have centered around rural development, food security and land tenure in Africa and Asia. Again, while Finland’s contributions may not evenly compare to other countries’ contributions, they directly align with its overarching goal of creating opportunities for countries to build and sustain their own resources. As a result, those countries might be able to enter a position to sustain themselves. Another great example of Finland’s contributions is its investment in water supply and sanitation programs. Access to clean water and food is a worldwide issue and Finland is aiming to alleviate those issues in Ethiopia, Kenya and Nepal. Ethiopia and Nepal were among the top five recipients of Finland’s foreign aid in 2015. Finland has dedicated itself to providing support to countries that have the highest need for funds. In Vietnam, Finland contributed to the urban water supply and sewage system, helping those countries achieve self-sufficiency and providing them with consistent access to the sources they need. These programs and resources are only effective if they can occur over the long term. This is why Finland’s foreign aid contributions focus on programs that support rule of law and political systems. For example, Finland gave Afghanistan $3.2 million between 2016 and 2019 to broaden “civic engagement” and help foster an environment where the people participate more closely with the decision-making process of Afghanistan’s government. Concluding Thoughts Individually, each criterion above may seem like an impossible mountain to climb, but for Finland, these are simply the small but potent foundational steps necessary to create and sustain an efficient, profitable and sustainable economy. Finland’s foreign aid contributions may seem like only a small blip on the radar compared to the contributions that the United States and other larger countries are making, but it is blazing a trail to ensure that the funds, no matter how big or small they are, can make a powerful contribution to countries in need. – Janell Besa

Capitol Hill has no shortage of bills to review that relate to foreign aid. There are a variety of bills that are sitting and waiting for review for everything from stabilization efforts to global health and education around the world. These bills need attention, representation and consistent efforts to keep them in front of local politicians. RESULTS is making a global impact on Capitol Hill by steadily supporting bills so that politicians push them forward. How RESULTS is Making a Global Impact RESULTS is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to “[influencing] political decisions that will bring an end to poverty.” Its battles span across the globe with more than 800 “grassroots” volunteers who receive training and opportunities to support a variety of efforts all centering around eliminating global poverty. Its volunteers spend their time urging their elected officials to make global poverty a high priority within national and international policy. RESULTS in 2020 In 2020 alone, RESULTS volunteers took part in more than 500 congressional meetings. Additionally, RESULTS has provided Gavi vaccine efforts and raised more than $4 billion to aid health, education and nutrition across the globe. In addition, it has focused on highlighting those with firsthand experience battling poverty to help leaders on Capital Hill fully understand the impact of their efforts. The Global Child Thrive Act The Global Child Thrive Act, which became law in December 2020, offers a path of recovery and support for children across the globe to provide support of policies and plans surrounding basic child health, education and child protection plans. RESULTS was a strong advocate for the passing of this law which will benefit millions. UNICEF is just one of the many organizations that will benefit from the passing of this act, as it will provide it the ability to target and support “the most vulnerable children across the globe.” The Actions of Leaders To make a change regarding eradicating global poverty, it is essential to act. In a RESULTS’ 100-day campaign event, Congresswoman Barbara Lee spoke openly about the importance of acting to eliminate the issue of poverty. Congresswoman Lee takes ending poverty personally, as she herself struggled as a single mother putting herself through college receiving public assistance to help get her through. Lee explained that “RESULTS was probably the first organization to help me get my agenda together.” This will be the first of many steps for Lee as she continues to advocate to end poverty. Looking Ahead RESULTS is making a global impact by mobilizing a small army of volunteers to help keep attention on this topic. RESULTS volunteers are corresponding with politicians in almost every state across the United States in order to raise awareness about global poverty and ultimately end poverty around the globe.

For many in developed countries, it is easy to take for granted how accessible clean water is at any given moment. However, this is not the case in lower-income countries. The Thirst Project is making waves in the global water crisis by providing support and better access to water for communities around the world. About the Thirst Project The Thirst Project is committed to building clean water wells and increasing access to clean water around the globe. Clean water improves the health, economy and overall wellbeing of the communities that the project serves. Safe water also improves hygiene and protects the community from diseases. Additionally, clean water wells and water filters not only provide safe drinking water but also offer the resources to create a healthier agricultural environment. Over the past year, the Thirst Project has formed valuable partnerships to create additional funding opportunities. These partnerships also increase visibility and engagement in the organization. Shawn Mendes recently created a partnership with Flow, an eco-friendly alkaline water company, to create a new line of alkaline water flavors. Moreover, the Shawn Mendes Foundation, along with other companies and the Thirst Project, will provide grants and awards to the many “young people and youth-focused organizations working on water conservation and clean water access.” As part of this partnership, the Thirst Project and the other grantees will have access to the Shawn Mendes Foundation’s Instagram where they can use the platform to highlight their mission, current work and projects. This will increase the overall awareness of the organizations and promote the Thirst Project’s work. Renaissance Renovations The Thirst Project continues to build its partnerships with local companies as well. In April 2021, Renaissance Renovations highlighted their partnership with Thirst Project. Renaissance Renovations acknowledged the amount of clean water the company consumes in its business of power washing. Moreover, the owner of Renaissance Renovations, John Orsillo, committed to making a difference. Orsillo is also passionate about the importance that youth play in helping to make a difference. Renaissance Renovations has committed to donating 1% of the company’s revenue to the Thirst Project. Moreover, Renaissance Renovations has launched its own fundraising campaign with a $12,000 goal. The donations will go toward the funding of a well for a water-insecure community. Youth Contributions The contributions of the youth set the Thirst Project apart from many other nonprofits. After Thirst Project volunteers visited a high school in Williamsburg, Virginia, a local teen became motivated to do his part in contributing to the water crisis efforts. Bryce McHose and a few of his classmates have launched a personal fundraising effort. These efforts have rendered monetary contributions through various fundraisers, including local car washes and partnerships with local businesses. Contributions are put toward the overall goal to raise enough funds to cover the cost of one $12,000 well. McHose and his classmates are dedicated to contributing to sustainable access to clean water around the globe. Addressing the Water Crisis Contributions do not always appear through funds. It takes a significant amount of people to make fundraising efforts impactful and the Thirst Project is mobilizing its contributors in any way it can. By utilizing a strong youth support system and creative partnerships, the nonprofit is creating platforms for volunteers to contribute their time, resources and money to give attention to the global water crisis and the importance of global access to clean water.

Addressing mental health struggles continues; the news this past January of another beautiful young woman, Cheslie Kryst, who had jumped from her New York apartment window hit me harder than expected. Not because I knew her personally and not because I followed her through her glamorous career, but simply because we had lost another one. Lost another beautiful soul to suicide. Lost another one because of our incompetence in dealing with the mental health battle that we are fighting all over the world. Shortly after the news, I stumbled onto Demi Lovato’s song “Anyone”. Her lyrics slapped me harder than my morning coffee has ever been able to… “I tried to talk to my piano, I tried to talk to my guitar, Talk to my imagination, Confided into alcohol, I tried and tried and tried some more, Told secrets ‘til my voice was sore, Tired of empty conversation, ‘Cause no one hears me anymore”. Bold and lonely words that, in my mind, somehow helped me to understand what must be felt in those moments of despair. shutterstock 517747984 What was harder to grapple with was the narrative that we saw just a short time before as we watched the Olympic chaos unfold and watched a young Russian girl fold into tears following a performance that should have been the time of her life, and then only a short time before that as we watched Simon Biles confront her fears and take a stand for her mental health. And, a few years before that when we watched Michael Phelps courageously and openly talk about his mental health struggles. Not too long ago Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Mindy McCready, and countless others that we have watched fall too soon in their precious lives all to a mental health crisis that we continue to deny exists. We have to do better. We have to keep this conversation going and here are a few ways that we can do that… Check in on friends and family. It’s easy to fall into a funk and unfortunately, we can’t predict when it will happen so check in, say hi. Therapy comes in many forms. Check out all the options, find the one that works the best for you and has the best credentials. Mental Health Awareness month is in May. Look out for different ways you can support charities, events, or initiatives to keep the spotlight on mental health awareness. If you don’t want to talk, which a lot of us don’t always want to, be opened to listen. Sometimes listening is a powerful tool that can help us to feel not so alone in the moment. Encourage friends, family, or colleagues to get help if they express something that is weighing on them. No battle should be fought alone, and there are many ways to get the help and support that is needed in our times of need. There is no good or bad time to talk about mental health. There is no good or bad time to speak up and get help or just talk. There is no good or bad time for us to listen to our athletes and celebrities do whatever it is we can do to help and support them. We are not alone, even when we feel alone, we aren’t. We have the support and the legacies of those who left us too soon to live and speak through. Keep this conversation going even when the silence is calming!

Tenacious. Having tenacity. Be tenacious. Defined as “not easily pulled apart” or “persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired“. Tenacity is what the founder of the #MeToo Movement, Tarana Burke “hopes” for in the future regarding the #MeToo movement and this is exactly what we need to focus on. #MeToo is not just a bandwagon movement that we should donate to or put on our list of volunteer organizations because it is not that – it is the US every day. Every day bonding together to make a change and provide the support that is sometimes silent but must always be steady. I have two daughters. Both of them are strong-willed, capable young women who I know will make a difference in this world, but there is a silent killer lurking around them, and it is sexual violence. When someone said violence to me a few years ago, my naive brain thought of weapons or fists or something that would physically be causing my body harm. I did NOT view violence as anything less than physical. I did not account for emotional harm, I did not account for mental harm, I did not account for social harm. That is the issue here. Sexual violence is not only the act of being raped or molested, but its victims face harm beyond the physical harm, and one would argue equally as impactful. Tarana Burke goes on to speak about “dismantling the systems of power and privilege that allow sexual violence” and while she confirms that the best people to lead those efforts are those that have experienced it, we, those that have not experienced these horrific acts of injustice and violation, must be their voice when they can’t speak and for those, like my daughters, that do not know how to speak for this. I did NOT view violence as anything less than physical. I did not account for emotional harm, I did not account for mental harm, I did not account for social harm. That is the issue here. In my previous article about the early release of Bill Cosby, I highlighted a few actions we can take to support this tenacity and these tenacious folks who lead us down this path. Movements are only as powerful as the people moving them and our voices are the constant reminder needed to keep us moving forward. No time than the present is better for us to continue to fight the political battles that need to be fought to help disrupt the system that has been built to enable sexual violence and for most of us, we do not even realize we are victims. metoo equals tenacious Photo by Rochelle Brown on Unsplash I have worked for large corporations for over 20 years and every year we get a host of training and development required trainings, one of which is workplace etiquette and harassment prevention. Watching the videos, they give the idea that the advances or inappropriate behavior is blatant and able to be quickly recognized as such. That is not the case. i-Sight published their 2021 Guide to Workplace Sexual Harassment and the statistics are alarming. In December 2020 they cited that 69% of women have been sexually harassed in a professional setting and what is even more upsetting was that 72% DO NOT report it. My initial thought when I saw this was “WOW, that’s high” and then my second thought was “how many of those women just coughed it up to be “in jest” or “normal banter” amongst peers“. Capping off their guide they cite a settlement made to an employee of $168M. When you think of a system you think of something that works repeatedly, or a “well-oiled machine”. Systems, when put in place correctly, are built to last, but when the system is disrupted, the entire process is at jeopardy. This is how I like to think about sexual violence. Disrupting the system that puts people in positions to carry out and walk away from their violations. Disruption is where we must start. We must take an active role in disrupting the systems that are in place that are putting us at risk. Just like you have every right to work, you also have every right to be safe while you are working. Investigating what your employer or a potential employer offers in not only support and confidentiality, but also in training and employee awareness is important. Tarana goes on to share that her vision for the future is about “hope” for the victims and about “healing and action”. While employer policies, training, and intolerance to reported acts will disrupt the system, we cannot move too far without the voices of our victims. They need to heal. They need support and to be carried when they feel weak so that their voices can be strong when the time comes for them to face their monsters. Providing support for these victims is critical so they may “walk in our full humanity” and that support takes resources, time, funds, and dedication. No better time than the present to find your local groups and organizations that support these efforts and find a way to be a part of them.

I quietly worked in the kitchen making dinner for my family. Quickly moving from counter to counter. His hand is placed gently on the small of my back. The tension in my back releases just enough for a deep breath as his touch sent a chill up my spine. Touching. In my opinion, the single most craved and powerful action a person can take. Touching, in a moment can take someone to their knees. It can catch you breathless for a moment. In a 2021 article by Allison Hope in the New York Times, Allison highlights some simple and standard touches that can stand out in a relationship. Intimacy and sex do not always have to be the end game when you use touch. Allison goes on to highlight the different needs between partners. Touching is one of those love languages and each partner has a different need for touching. “Touch is a form of intimacy distinct from sex, with its own set of rules that can threaten to undo romantic entanglements.” Relationships, in general, are a lot of work, like flowers they need water and nourishment, and putting sex aside, touching can be a critical part of that nourishment. Through these past pandemic years, it’s been increasingly difficult to mentally and physically satisfy each other. Lack of affection and touching can have devastating effects. Dr. Tiffany Field of the University of Miami School of Medicine at the Touch Research Institute explains. That lack of touch can dig us deeper into a feeling of depression, exclusion, and also affect our physical health. A single touch can be so impactful, not only to us mentally and intimately but to our physical wellbeing. Don’t discount the power of touch. As my partner and I battle through shift work, busy schedules, kids, and all the other curve balls that life has to offer us it has been easy to forget how to “get it started.” It’s pretty simple – TOUCH. Reach out and touch your partner. touch | touching | kiss and tell Here are three touches that we enjoy to help you get started. Try it out if you’re feeling lonely or struggling to get things going Holding hands. I recently read an article about a dying parent with his son. They had been estranged for years and as he visited, what was likely to be their last visit, he struggled to touch his father’s hand. Upon finally getting the courage to touch his hand he described the action of their hands interlocking as “opening the once closed door to our relationship.” Holding hands and interlocking your hands opens your mind and body to receive the signals that the touch is sending. Gentle and subtle touching as you pass by each other. There are times in our house that we are all moving about the house at lightning speed. Setting the table, doing homework, prepping for the evening activities, etc. It’s easy to get lost in those moments thinking and planning for the next activity, but this is a great time, as you pass your partner to gently touch their arm or rub their back as you pass. For that brief moment, you are taken out of your mission and a place of stress and given a moment to feel love and take a deep breath. Short embracing. By the end of the evening, I’m spent. I’ve got nothing left in me and some nights, I can’t even muster up the energy to think about sex. That’s OK. It’s been a long day, you are winding down into relaxation and preparing your mind and body for the next day, but this is also a wonderful time to share a short and powerful embrace. We enjoy nothing more than a hug from behind as we finish up the dishes. Sneak up on your partner, throw your arms around their waist, put your head on their back and just embrace that moment. You can hear their heartbeat and it takes you out of the “on the go” moment and gives your mind the chance to release. touching | kiss and tell Days are long and our bodies can fatigue at a pretty fast pace sometimes. Let the touching do the work sometimes. Let the touching send the signals to your partner. Let the touching free your mind for even just a moment. And, let the touching help to get things going when the time is right for you. Never forget the power of just a single touch.

The room was cold and impersonal. White walls, no pictures, and only a bottle of hand soap next to the sink on the counter. We had been there before, but this time it felt even less welcoming than the times before. The nurses were all busy going patient to patient. The door cracked just enough that we could watch the traffic, but closed enough that we could hear only the faint sound of the doctor’s voice through the walls. As silent as it was in that room, the noise was unbearable. As usual, we sat there for 25 minutes before they started coming in. The endless stream of random people performing their duties and checking the boxes all in preparation for the doctor’s grand appearance. They took her blood pressure, temperature, and listened to her lungs. They casually asked how she was feeling through their pity smile and entered all their completely insignificant pieces of information into the chart. And then behind them, they pulled the door shut to leave us again to our silence until the next one came in. The sound of the doors closing in that doctor’s office is a sound I can still hear, after almost 3 years, forever etched in my ears. She sat on the table, my dad against the wall on her left side between her and the doctor and I sat across from the doctor at the desk. She looked confused, her blue eyes almost glazed over with grey as if at that moment she had already left us. She didn’t cry, she didn’t tremble, she didn’t even fidget in her seat as he mumbled the words. “I’m sorry that the treatment didn’t work the way we had hoped, the nurses will be in to share information about palliative care.” She simply asked “Is there anything you can give me for the headaches? They are getting worse.” “You can keep taking the acetaminophen every four hours, but the nurse from palliative care will speak more about additional pain relief when they come in.” the doctor replied. “Ok, thank you.” She responded. The doctor finished typing his last thoughts asking if we had any other questions for him as he continued to focus on the data entry. He closed his laptop, gently got up, walked over to her to shake her hand. “I wish you well Teresa, I’m sorry we couldn’t do more.” He turned, shook my dad’s hand, then mine and then exited the room peacefully shutting the door. That click of the door, ringing in my ears. We sat silently for a minute. I couldn’t help but glance at her hoping that my mother would jump off the table and return to her old self. Instead, her stomach growled. And we laughed – hard and loud. I always walked behind her. Part of me wanted to make sure that I could be there if she stumbled but the other part of me just couldn’t take my eyes from the woman she had become. That day, no different, I walked behind her as she shuffled slowly from the lobby to the car. It was bright and sunny, and the sun hurt her eyes, so she hid herself with a hat and sunglasses. Her clothes hanging from her like rags hanging on the clothesline. Her hair grey and curling from the humidity and her sweat. It was hard to see her like this. My dad grabbed the step stool that he kept in the back seat of his jeep and placed it gently at her feet. She always got aggravated when he tried to help her step up on to it, but that was normal these days as just about anything that required someone helping her seemed to just piss her off. It wasn’t because she didn’t need the help, she most certainly did, but the alcohol had started to wear off inside her just enough that her body was just angry. She has spent the last 20 years of her life consuming alcohol as her primary diet and in these last few weeks she just wasn’t able to keep consuming as much as her body needed to thrive as it had done for so many years before. The effects of withdrawal were showing in her endless loop of emotions from sadness to anger in short spurts and more often day after day. “Boy it’s hot today, that sun is blazing” I said, in hopes to break up her visible frustration. It only made it worse. “Well, if your father would have started the car and put the air on it wouldn’t be so hot” she exclaimed. “Yes, you’re right Teresa, I should have done that, but you didn’t want to wait in the lobby and told me you could walk to the car, so I didn’t have time to get it started” my dad sternly replied. I couldn’t help but chuckle a little in between my own moment of frustration for how mean she was being to a man who has spent the last 15 years of their marriage treating her like a queen and catering to her every need. He turned up the radio as he pulled out of the parking lot. Just as I walked behind her, I sat behind her in the car too, which gave me a glimpse of the doctor’s office in the side mirror as we drove off. I took a deep breath and watched that building disappear in the distance knowing that I would never go there again. Glancing between the buildings in the mirror and her face, mostly covered by the ridiculously large sunglasses she always wore. The sun and bright lights had become unbearable for her and the headaches seemed to persist no matter what time of day or night. The sunglasses brought her comfort and small bits of hope that the pain would deafen. It never did. Only a few short weeks and a few palliative care home visits later she was chasing down her ride “home.” Unsure of the time remaining, her days filled with half completed letters, journals, thoughts, and conversations. Her evenings consumed by whatever wine she could get down followed by arguing and aggravation that she couldn’t control or understand. My dad just silently bearing the brunt of her harsh words, mood swings, and babysitting duties. It was a miserable last few weeks. There are few things that can make people drop to their knees, but I find I’m a simple woman, and there are only few things that makes me drop to my knees. One being, a man crying. I find it beautiful, heart breaking, and scary all at the same time. My dad was crying. I took a deep breath and was able to speak only the words, “ok, calm down, what’s wrong.” I knew. It was time. He couldn’t speak through his sobs so the nurse got on the phone to explain that she couldn’t breathe and that “it was time”. “Do you want to speak to her?” she asked. “Yes, if she can talk to me, please.” I replied. The best and worst thing the hospice nurse could have done for me was explain what “starting the morphine” meant. It gave me clarity to know that we could give her some peace and relief from her pain and misery, but it also signaled the end of her existence in our world. “Hi honey. I’m ok, just trying to catch my breath.” She explained. She was calm and speaking through her gasps for air. No tears, no sobbing, and almost as if she wasn’t feeling an ounce of pain. “Ok, I’m leaving now, I’ll be there in a couple hours. I love you.” I exclaimed. “I love you too honey.” She replied through her gasps of air. The nurse returned to the phone and the tears began to flow. It’s funny the types of things that you look back at and realize you knew in that moment that just weren’t clear. Looking back now, I was crying because I knew that it was the last time I would speak to her, the last I love you, the last time hearing her voice. But, in that moment, I begged the nurse to keep her alive until I got there. Also realizing now how very selfish that statement was – to ask that nurse to delay her pain and suffering so what, I could get one more moment of hearing her gasp for air or tell me about her headaches? If only I could take back that moment of selfishness. Sigh. And then I drove the 5 long hours to her. I walked through the front door to find their small apartment bustling with activity. Her siblings were there, my dad, the nurse, and the faint sounds of her gasping for air. I turned the corner to her room and there she was. Remember I talked about those things that could drop me to my knees? Well, I found the second one that could do it – watching my mother, the strongest woman on the planet to me, my hero, my best friend, the only woman who never judged me and never left me, lay silently struggling to breathe and still. Not able to sit up and yell at me for being late. Not able to open her eyes so I could see her piercing blue eyes glaring at me crying. Not able to hug me or try to hold my hand like she always did. Man, it drove me crazy, she always wanted to hold my hand. It didn’t matter what we were doing, where we were or how I was, she always wanted to hold my hand. I always pulled away. The next hours felt like days and the uncertainty of knowing how long she had was unnerving for all of us. In those moments, the idea of being in that state for more than another few minutes seems unbearable. How can we possibly just sit here and listen to her gasp for hours, or even days? A faint knock at the door. Dairy Queen dilly bars were delivered. My cousin had sent them through Door Dash in hopes of giving us a little ice cream treat before the long night ahead. Knowing how stubborn she was, we were all quite sure that she was going to stick this out for probably days as we laughed through tears telling stories of just how stubborn she was. So, we got up and left the room for a much-needed ice cream break. I couldn’t stay away long, and something pulled me back to the room to sit with her. I almost felt guilty that I was eating ice cream while she was struggling to die. She would have loved that ice cream! I walked back into the room and bent over to sit in my chair that sat directly next to her by her head. She was turned on her side, hands together like she was praying, gently under her face with her faithful stuffed Smoky tucked into her arms close to her chest. She was in the most peaceful sleep. She was gone. She waited for us to leave the room for the ice cream and took her final breath. And we missed it. Through our tears we laughed loud and hard knowing that our stubborn little lady had the balls to wait for that one moment where nobody was in the room with her – the one moment she was left totally alone in over 12 hours – that was her moment to go “home”. There is no moment more beautiful and devastating than death. The emptiness that I am left with is nothing I can explain, not even a writer’s words can properly articulate the feeling of loss. All I am left with is that I am my mothers daughter and no matter what happens, she built me with her love. She loved me fiercely.